‘It was just a joke!’ How Tiger Woods’ tampon prank brought out the worst in social media
When Tiger Woods was caught handing a tampon to Justin Thomas after the 15-time major champion outdrove his playing partner during the Genesis Invitational, he was roundly condemned for what was an undeniably puerile prank.
As women and men alike articulated their disappointment, many of the retorts were as depressing as they were predictable.
If you are in need of cheering up then join us on a whistle-stop tour of 11 of our favourite social media stereotypes.
- The Joke Explainer
The reason women are offended is because they don’t get the joke, what with it being quite a subtle gag. Fortunately, help is at hand: women STATISTICALLY don’t drive it as far as men on average – FACT. So the joke is that JT’s drive had woman-like characteristics. Also, only women use tampons. So Tiger presented him one for comedic reasons. Geddit now?
We thank The Joke Explainer for taking the time out of his day to explain this to confused women whose statistically smaller and humourless brains cannot work out why they were not laughing. He should also be credited with his exhaustive research into gender differentials in driving distances and knowledge of the inner workings of the uterus.
As a result of this valuable public service, women the world over are now laughing along at their own pathetic ball speeds and nuisance wombs.
2 The Logic Leaper
Can we presume that broadcaster Iona Stephen would now turn down an interview with Tiger, given that she had the temerity to express that she did not dig his Riv humour?
We won’t speak for Iona here – after all plenty are doing that elsewhere – but as an approach to journalism, finding out someone has done something you don’t like and then just stopping mentioning them does bring about its challenges. Here at NCG, for example, just the other day we were united in our decision never to write another word about the aspects of WHS we have issues with. After all, it is only possible to view people and things through a binary lens where they are either GOOD or BAD. Ergo, if and when Tiger offers us an interview, we will categorically be turning him down.
3) The Private Joke Justifier
I had a joke with my one friend the other day. Hard to believe, I know. You don’t know about it because it wasn’t broadcast to millions on TV and then shared across the internet. In fairness, Tiger is a bit of a novice at living under the microscope so maybe we should cut him some slack.
4) The Biology Professor
Men hit it further than women. Get over it. I mean, they don’t, but anyway. Glossing over the sweeping generalisation, if JT is to be ridiculed for being shorter off the tee than Tiger, then presumably being shorter of the tee makes you worse, therefore all women are worse than men. QED. You’re welcome.
5) The Whatabouterist
Some committed historians of the game have helpfully reminded us that Fred Funk once wore a skirt as a gag when he was outdriven by playing partner and that notoriously pathetic short-hitter Annika Sorenstam. So unless we were offended then – and can prove it – we have no right to be outraged now. Got you.
6) The Sexist Double-Downer
In that special corner of the internet where Real Men Are Men, and are tired of their inadequacies being pointed out by women who should know their place like in the old days, they do not understand what Woods is apologising for anyway. (Spoiler: he isn’t.)
They say this is our problem, not theirs. If we are not careful, we will turn the next generation into a “bunch of pussies”. And by this they mean women. Could you imagine anything worse?
7) The Self-Certified Non-Sexist
If you know a woman then you cannot be sexist.
Don’t know about you, but I was literally given birth to by one.
Presumably these people also have many black friends, so can carry off hilarious and edgy race-related gags too.
Someone who has caddied on the LET for “over a dozen girls” informs us that, with his first-hand experience, women can in fact play golf and furthermore that none of them would be offended by Tiger’s joke.
Another contributor’s friends have a pink purse. Whoever leaves a putt short has to carry it. The player left with the purse at the end of the round buys the drinks.
It must be true because one of his pals confirms that he “loves this”.
Indeed. All girls love pink, and purses, and drinks – as long as I am paying, eh lads!
8) The Humour Adjudicator
Closely related to The Joke Explainer, the crux of his shtick is along the lines of “I found this funny therefore it is funny”. I say crux, that’s the entirety of it.
9) The Virtue Signaller Caller Out in Chief
Do you ever have a day off? You’re only doing it for the clicks, love. (Or, in the case of a male commenter, cuck. And what a great insult that is.)
Sadly, there is an element of truth in this. You can’t stop the chancers seizing their moment in a world where not everybody is conveniently on the side of either good or evil. (See also: The Logic Leaper.)
Perish the thought that somebody would stand up for what they believe in. In the certain knowledge that every stereotype in this piece will shortly be queueing up in their mentions. Wait – that’s not your idea of fun?
10) The What Has The World Come To
AKA, Stop the World, I’m Getting Off. It’s impossible not to channel Nigel Farage here, with that thin-lipped, rueful expression he has mastered as he gently shakes his head.
Fifty years ago, this would all have been entirely acceptable. Then again, so would a choice of two TV channels and wooden-headed drivers that couldn’t get the ball off the ground.
11) The Can’t You Take a Joke?
We are going to say we definitely can. When we think they are funny.
The more risqué the material, the more confident you need to be in its quality to get away with it. Bit of a leap when defending a gag about tampons then.
Do you identify as one of the above? Tweet us and let us know. (Or, actually, we’d prefer it if you didn’t.)
Tom Irwin
Tom is a lifetime golfer, now over 30 years playing the game. 2023 marks 10 years in golf publishing and he is still holding down a + handicap at Alwoodley in Leeds. He has played over 600 golf courses, and has been a member of at least four including his first love Louth, in Lincolnshire. Tom likes unbranded clothing, natural fibres, and pencil bags. Seacroft in Lincolnshire is where it starts and ends.
